My Own Concoction 1/7/2024

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

I have mentioned before about both myself and my family being weird.  I feel like perhaps I should explain this a bit more as that is a very broadly stroked painting which I have applied to myself and those that I love.  I realize that there are vast number of definitions that could apply to the terminology “weird” that I have so flippantly tossed about.  Maybe I need to narrow down a bit the things of which I speak, however in contemplating what I am about to attempt to explain to you, I am concerned that I may not have the time nor space to accomplish such goals. We won’t even get into the amount of interest that you may or may not have in exploring such topics considering if we’re being honest, that ship could have sailed once I got the first few sentences in.  This could be a bit of a blog where I have bitten off more than I can, or more accurately, more than I should chew. But I am nothing if not smitten with the love for writing, and eating to pair the metaphor appropriately, so I shall give it a go.

If you are curious as to what in the world might have inspired me to take on this topic, well, I must admit, it occurred to me when I chose the music I am listening to as I write.  I very often listen to some sort of instrumental music while typing. The style can run the gamut but today, well today I stumbled upon something so incredibly unique but so utterly appealing to me I found even myself surprised.  It’s a channel on YouTube that does a variety of ambient type music but this one I cannot even say I had fathomed was even an option that was in existence.  And then as I am looking at other suggestions that this website is recommending for someone who enjoys this and realize I have vastly underestimated the possibilities of interests people can have.  I am currently listening to, and I quote the title, “Dracula’s Guest Chambers:  The Bride’s Room.”  Yes. I know. Well, I know now. I didn’t a short while ago and I am a tad bit, not a lot, but a tad bit disturbed by how much I really adore this. Imagine if you will castle interior scenes of darkly draped beds and bejeweled goblets midst deep black shadow and dim purple flamed candlelight and torches. Then add dark piano and cello music accompanied by occasional lightning flash and thunder rumble.  It is surprisingly delicious to me.

And see, I don’t know that this is very typical.  Understand that I am not naïve enough to think that I am some kind of unique individual to enjoy such as this. As I mentioned, just a brief glancing at the internet shows that clearly, I am one of a multitude.  That is not what I find intriguing to put it kindly, and weird to put it probably more accurately. The thing that I began this painfully random blog by saying is weird, is the fact that while I have interests in some, let us call them, darker things, I also migrate to the absolute other side of the spectrum as well. I have always liked a bit of macabre which is fine, a matter of tastes I suppose. I understand it isn’t everyone’s proverbial cup of tea. But while I have always loved that type of thing, I also love glitter. Yes, I know how typical and girly that is but it’s true. Glitter and tiaras and beautiful flowers and sunsets all are right up there on my love list along with jeweled daggers, ghostlore, cemeteries, and the black-red color of garnets in candlelight. I do not feel like these are commonly paired.

The above isn’t my only brow raising set of seemingly diametrically opposed interests either.  I love football, especially college football.  I also love Shakespeare.  I know a huge number of people that love college football. I do not know very many people at all that love Shakespeare alone much less that love both. I mean, they are my affections and even to me they seem rather odd together. I mean, even I will admit Shakespeare is an acquired taste.  Even the Canterbury Tales, I liked those too as well as Beowulf, although that might fit right into the darker side of things so that might not be one of my weirder qualities.

I suppose, pondering my oddities, maybe pairing two seemingly opposite ideas happens more often than I think. It just occurred to me that I have often heard about housewives and soccer moms who are avid listeners to murder and true crime podcasts.  Then again, I am a mom and wife so finding a less than fluffy release from a world of caring for and about everything and everyone makes a fair amount of sense.  Quite frankly we’re lucky that kind of outlet exists for those who work that hard. However, I am not sure I am that easily explained though. One of my many fascinations could be perfectly plausible for any person, I suppose the strangeness is the fact that they are all so all over the place and not spread over a crowd of people, but all shoved inside one overwhelmed brain.  Once all these things are together it’s, well, it’s something else. 

But I’m not really complaining. I am not even entirely sure why I am telling all of you this.  Am I giving you fair warning that you could come here and read absolutely anything? Perhaps.  Am I using this as an outlet for emptying the endless drawers of all my mind’s cabinets in the hopes that one of you lovely readers will possibly relate and make me feel slightly less strange? Maybe.  Did whatever this outpouring is begin with a surprising bit of music and video? Yes. Yes, it did. I must admit thought this has made for an interesting little trek through my fascinations.  Maybe you’d like to do the same.  Much like moseying through the internet, you never know what you might find.