Polishing Mirrors 8/2/2026

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

Have you ever heard someone say something that was so unbelievably profound that it took a few minutes for your brain to be able to wrap itself around it?  Has there ever been a time that someone shared a sentiment that made you fully understand the little head exploding emoji because that is exactly what it felt like it did to you? That happened to me earlier in the week and because my whole mind was boggled, I don’t know what else to do but to tell you all about it.

I need y’all to stick with me. The first few sentences made me furrow my brow and question what I was hearing. So, if they affect you the same way, just hear me out. Let me get all the context and the details in before you raise an eyebrow.  I was listening to a podcast and this fellow, that I have heard and greatly enjoyed before, made some statements. These were the kind of statements that make you stop for a moment, rewind what you just heard and then listen again.

This man began talking about how he always wanted to be the nice guy. He talked about how he wanted people to like him and therefore to perpetuate that he was always very nice. I relate to this more than I can possibly express, likely too much. Then, apparently one day he was praying and he felt God tell him to stop being nice.

Yes, I know. I made that same face that you are very likely making. I beg of you to keep reading.

He said that the Lord insisted for him to stop being nice. He told him that he did not call him to be nice, but He called him to be faithful. This man said just when he was about to question everything, God told him that if he was faithful then in that he would find kindness.  He said that the Lord told him that niceness wasn’t of Him because it was self-serving, but that kindness was self-sacrificing and what He required.

I heard him say this. I sat. I pondered. Not once had I ever considered niceness to be self-serving. The very idea seemed foreign to me.

But this man continued to discuss how niceness served us and the image that others had of us and how people perceived us.  It was to boost our own appearance to others. It was to protect us and build an appealing image for ourselves. I was halfway to balking like a frustrated mule until I really pondered and realized he was right.

Side note: as I referenced a mule just then, as I am typing outside, I was just privy to hear a very vocal donkey in the distance.  How on cue he was, was mildly disconcerting but, if I’m honest, made me feel like I was appropriately on topic.

Any time I am nice, it is less to benefit other people as it may seem. Honestly, in my mind I had convinced myself that me being nice was more about doing good to others than it was anything to do with me. But now, after hearing this sentiment laid bare before me, he is right. I am nice to paint a picture of myself as likable and pleasant and all the other positive adjectives. It is all about me and nothing more involving others than to try to paint the loveliest picture for them to see so they can appreciate me in the most gleaming light possible.

It is taking a selfie from a flattering angle, if you will. And selfies are…well, about myself.

Kindness though, that is self-sacrificing.  Kindness is more than happy to make itself uncomfortable, inconvenienced and even possibly outright pained for the benefit of others. It is the humility to put others first.  As I thought about it, that is more like what He would want. He would want, no, require, sacrificial love. Why? Because if He calls us to be like Him, then what could be more appropriate?

So, there you have it. Being nice isn’t inherently bad, but it’s not truly done for others.  If you’re trying to live where you are not the focus but that loving your God and others is, well, then kindness is what He would require. It won’t always be easy. I will probably be frequently uncomfortable.  But then again, the whole point is, this isn’t about me or you. This is about being like Him. I type it and it is so glaringly obvious. He sacrificed everything. He’s our example, our model, our focus.

It just took a new angle to make it ridiculously clear.  It seems so obvious in hindsight but if I am behaving in any way, be it niceties, generosity or anything seemingly positive, if I am doing so to polish my own mirror then it is not what I should be doing. It was summed up for us pretty clearly to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength and love our neighbor as ourselves. If, when we really get down to the nitty gritty of our motives and intentions, if whatever we’re ornamenting our lives with is not truly about loving Him or others, then we’re just junking up the décor.  Sometimes it only takes a few discerning sentences to expose motives we’d managed to hide even from ourselves.