Leaving the Zone 9/10/2023

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

I am undecided how I feel about progress.  To call it a love/hate relationship seems terribly trite, but I don’t know that there is anything that describes it as accurately.  I have always been averse to change I suppose. Well of course I say that, but any change that is exceptionally positive or enjoyable I daresay most of us are alright with. Weight loss comes to mind, but I digress.  But for the most part, I would assume, which I know is a dangerous course of action, most people tend to prefer to stay where things are comfortable.  We aren’t prone to disrupt the familiar if we don’t have to.  And as a strong proponent of this, I completely get it.  Staying with what you know and where you’ve always been undoubtedly has its appeal.  But, then again, progress is I suppose the thing for which we are all meant to strive.  We should want better versions of ourselves and better versions of our lives, but you know as well as I do, we all have our cozy little niches that we would be just as pleased to stay firmly nestled within.  So obviously, in saying all that, progress has a significant list of both pro and con.

Firstly, let me share with you some progress I have been very entertained to observe as of late.  If you have followed my blog for any length of time you will be aware that my home has two inhabitants of non-human persuasion.  A large black cat named Jasper has lived here for nearly 4 years and our canine addition, a not quite fully grown chocolate Miniature Pinscher named Poppy was added in late May of this year as a tiny puppy. Watching the relationship between these two has been a new level of entertainment, the likes of which I cannot say that I have ever seen.  The progress has been massive, and I would say for the most part, good.

You really haven’t had a full day until you have watched a small dog attempt to play with a not small cat. It is painfully apparent that this pup is still very much a child, and it is just as clear the sizeable feline is an adult. I watch him tolerate her very often. She enjoys bursting into random chases of him throughout the house when all he did was casually walk by her general vicinity. Then there are the times that she actually catches him and gets him in something of a headlock until he, sometimes violently, body slams her to the floor. And the method she employs to play fight with him sometimes, it is downright hilarious. She bounces about biting at him then pauses with her rear end to him looking over her shoulder with a dastardly side eye.  Then she bounces and bites again ending with another hind parts pause and glare.  Still, while it is painfully obvious that her antics tax her cat brother on occasions, he does still love playing with his new sister.  I have witnessed him instigate the chase at times by a casual saunter by, a quick slap to the face and a full gallop looking back to watch the pursuit the whole time.

Now, that is progress that I can get behind.  Considering he originally found her appalling and dealt her many a painful blow.  Jasper was basically in hiding for about a week only appearing to eat or use his facilities all the while looking at us and the little ratty bundle we had brought home with disgust.  Now they play very often, and I think even miss each other when separated.  Now of course, occasionally you do hear a yelp and Poppy runs from around a corner. This is a clear indicator that the adult may have reached his wrestle/bite/chase limit.  He tries to teach her boundaries but bless her, she is young and thus far a slow learner. I would like to tell you the number of yelps has lessened over time but, I don’t really want to lie to you.

There is another type of progress that I have been witnessing for over seven years now.  It started off very difficult. It was all new and unfamiliar and downright terrifying. It’s terrifying in different ways now.  Of course, I am speaking of being mother to my daughter. It was very hard that first year. There was so much crying and so little sleep. I know that is the standard for newborns, but we had a bit more than your average.  Then you have toddlerhood and as the helpless become curious and unnecessarily so, not to mention disconcertingly mobile. But she grows so quickly!  This progress flies when you look back on it but as you live it, it’s invisible.  It’s like tomorrow.  You wait for it to come but when it does, it’s gone because then it is today. Watching your child grow is a lot like that.  You are waiting for this milestone that is supposed to be ahead then suddenly they have already moved ten miles past it.

I remember her first few days of kindergarten. It was awful and unfortunately it was just like my own first few days of kindergarten so many years ago, so I partially felt responsible for her inheriting my separation anxiety.  There were tears and other bodily fluids of which I will spare you the details, but I will say that she also inherited my nervous stomach.  I suppose there are worse things your vehicle interior can smell like than very slightly used pancakes and maple syrup.  But now, she sits and waits for the bell to ring so she can get out of the car and head on into class. She doesn’t just wait on the bell either. She waits impatiently being sarcastic to said bell for taking so long to ring. I am so proud and very nearly joyful to witness this. But then I am also horrified at what this progress means. Soon she’ll be ashamed to have me drop her off. Then she won’t need me because she’ll be able to drive herself. I’ll be impressed at the independence and loathe it simultaneously.  You want them to grow up to be well adjusted, principled, quality people but you know not only will you no longer be needed but you can’t shelter them from the cold world either.

I love to see growth and things moving in the right direction.  I like to improve as much as the next person.  But then there are times that I want to stay comfortable.  I suppose I can’t just bury my seeds and leave them safe in the ground.  If I want a tree, I am going to have to endure the growing process.  I suppose I need to learn that comfort zones are not meant for living in because goals are always outside of them.  But as the name would imply, when you move outside said zone, you’re no longer comfortable.  But I’m thinking progress in the truest and most beautiful since of the word, is worth it.