Filling the Cracks 2/12/2023

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

I am debating heavily on whether or not to write about the upcoming holiday.  And then again, if I do decide to write about it, what could I say that hasn’t already been said?  Taking on the topic of love has only been done by most everyone and everything.  My stars let’s not even approach the realm of songwriting that has taken the topic to task!  I don’t think that I could say very much that wouldn’t have already been said and if I’m honest, it was probably said better.  Well, usually.  I suppose we all know of some love songs that are less than poetic, but I digress, as I usually do.  Not to mention, love is such a broad topic. I wonder if there is anything that I can say about it that might, I won’t go so far as to say to surprise you, but at least catch you ever so slightly off guard?  I definitely know I don’t want to throw out flowers and chocolates and hearts, though all those things are lovely in the appropriate context.  I do not want this to be the typical Valentine’s Day, lovey-dovey bit of reading so now I am tasked with finding something atypical to write.  So, I roll the dice and we see where we land.  I suppose one day you all will tire of me experimenting upon you. Hopefully that day is not today.

One thing about love that is certain is that it is very dangerous. You didn’t see that coming did you?  It is though.  The risk level is exponential.  So many of us are deluded about what love actually is. We all think of this soft pink feeling as if being in love were living your life in a cloud with a bunny on your lap and a song in your heart.  There may be moments that you get a cotton candy dream out of the deal.  There could even be the occasional abdominal butterfly that people tend to go on and on about.  But if you really get down to it, love, the real thing in its entirety, isn’t remotely like that.  If you’re reading this, I feel relatively confident in saying that there is a good chance that you have some form of family, significant other or even a friend that you love. Let that beloved face come to your mind. Then casually let your thoughts wonder to the times that that same certain someone has annoyed the ever-loving snot out of you. There is likely even an example or two that you could dig up where they have evoked within you levels of disappointment or sorrow that aren’t even fathomable.  Don’t pretend it hasn’t happened.  It could be a parent, a child, a sibling, a friend or just a companion.  Honestly, it doesn’t even have to be a human companion. But any one of them could deal a massive blow.  And I suppose if we’re being honest, we could have and most likely have, inflicted the same damage.  Even if you found as close to perfect of a specimen as possible, which, let’s be honest, we’re probably talking less about humans and more about pets at this point, even then, every loved one on this planet will leave us at some point.  I know this isn’t particularly thrilling but think about it. Even those long-time forever loves have finality. The old grandma and grandpa of yesteryear who lived happily ever after for marriages of seventy plus years, even they had to say goodbye to each other at some point. While they may meet again, they weren’t spared the sweet sorrow of parting.

So, love is risky, even frightening.  I don’t know if you have met many folks but they do tend to disappoint even with the best of intentions.  And don’t let me appear to be implying that I am not guilty of being the disappointer as much as the disappointee. This is humanity.  We are beautifully imperfect even when we are trying our very best.  But even with the guarantee that loving is going to hurt you in one way or another, it is worth it. Indeed, it is what we were made for. My favorite author, C.S. Lewis talks about the impending danger of the broken heart but goes on to say it is this for which the heart was made. He says that if you attempt to put your heart away and keep it protected then it will turn into something else altogether that is hard and cold and has utterly lost its purpose.  He describes it as irredeemable.  We cannot avoid the broken heart for they are guaranteed to come but that is the magical bit. Now you might be reading with a raised eyebrow here and wonder how exactly a heart torn asunder is even remotely positive much less magical. I appreciate and understand this face. Allow me to explain.

I heard a quote the other day by Keith Miller that summed things up most beautifully.  He said, “the way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person’s soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack.”  We all have the scars and cracks in our hearts. Sometimes they come from cruel indifference.  Sometimes they come from our own poor choices. Sometimes they are there simply because those we love don’t live forever. But here is where we find the magic of which we are all capable.  You could be the person that has exactly what another soul needs to fill in and close those gaps that they perhaps didn’t even know could be filled.  You can patch them in with something like gold and light so they will still have these lines and stories where they were broken but now the brokenness is beauty. The story and the lessons are not lost but have become something new and even more valuable.

Hearts will break.  Hurt will come. But then mending also comes. New loves resurface the damaged soul and the bonding of two hearts that both know the ache form something stronger.  Love, the really strong lasting kind, be it between friends, lovers or even a person and their four-legged companion, often is like a pearl. It was born of pain but becomes something more beautiful because of it. It will hurt in some way most every time.  But in the end, all the pain is worth it, because when you know real love, there is nothing else that even comes close.