In Perpetuity 1/8/2023

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

We are one week in.  Perhaps it isn’t a very accurate sampling to judge how the year will go but we do have our first taste of it.  Thus far I don’t have a great deal to report other than this year seems to be following suit of its predecessors and flying by like the wind itself. Every year it may actually speed up now that I think about it. Yes, I’d say every year is faster than the one before it. I have said this before but I just thought I’d reiterate my sentiment just so you’d know I still feel it to be very accurate.  But I digress. This is the time of year when everyone is supposedly (and we all know these inclinations often do not last) attempting to change themselves for the better. Some hope to improve their health. Others want to improve their finances. There are also the simpler goals of perhaps reading more or just trying to have a better attitude.  Well today I do not want to talk about what needs to change. Not about myself or about anyone or anything else.  I want to look at what will not and has not changed.  I want to delve into the things that are steadfast and sure and that make us all the better because of that.

I will start with what is likely the most obvious yet probably the most easily forgettable.  This year will be wonderful. It will also be terrible. It will also have a fair mixture of mundane, pleasant, ridiculous, and confusing.  I could give you most other adjectives and be entirely accurate. The thing is, we tend to forget all the little descriptions. We also, and I speak firmly and loudly to myself on this one, tend to polish our glasses of remembrance when looking back at all the negativity and let them stay smudged and blurry when recalling the positivity that is there just as much.  I know I am notorious for this. As a professional (much to my chagrin) worrier, I can easily recall all the awful and difficult and am even unfortunately adept at imagining the same that could possibly happen in the future. My mind tends to be more than willing to skim over all the happy bits. My mind, and maybe some of yours, (I’m hoping so or I am a rather wretched solitary beast) will moan and wallow in the bad and be terribly and ungratefully quick to gloss over joys both big and small. But this much I am certain of; this year will have its fair share of both laughter and grief. The amounts will vary but they will all be there.  They are always there.  It is in our best interest to remember this unchanging fact. When placed in circumstance both good and bad, we would do well to keep in mind that the other will come.  Remembering such an inevitability could seem like negativity in and of itself but to me it is more a preparatory process. You are braced and understand the possibility of the bad and get to look optimistically forward to the just as possible good.  While it could feel a bit less than thrilling to know that the sun will not always shine, it is far greater to remember that no storm lasts forever.  You can even rest in that before the clouds gather.

Let’s visit something else that will be forever constant, shall we? This one is going to seem terribly elementary. But sometimes it is the basic things that are the most valuable is it not? One thing that will not change is that the truth is best. And no, I don’t mean to get into some in depth argument about whether or not you should tell someone that a certain outfit makes them look fat. There is a difference between telling the truth and being tactful and careful in your wording of said truth. But this is not the truth of which I speak. An old man once told me that it is best to always tell the truth because then you don’t have to remember what you’ve said. He’s not wrong. There is a reason that they say honesty is the best policy. Now, his may not have been the reason that “they” say that but it is a very valid argument.  I think most people would prefer to have the truth even if it hurts rather than be lied to sheerly for the sake of comfort. It would be a fleeting comfort anyway I daresay only to make the blow of reality all the more damaging.  While lies do on occasion feel like they might be easier in the long run they truly don’t work. It’s like trying to put a Band-aid over a cannonball wound. Note I didn’t say a gunshot wound. In my head I knew I would make the connection of a little tiny birdshot type injury and say that it could, in theory, be tended to with a minimal bandage and see the connection to the “little white lie” that many think are relatively harmless. I didn’t remotely want to leave that path open for the traveling. And really, isn’t a “little white lie” told for someone’s own good not only still false, but a tad condescending?  To mislead someone because you feel you know what is best for them is, well, offensive if you think about it. So yes, the truth has always been and always will be best.  Especially if your memory is poor.

I suppose if I am talking about ideas that are constant despite the passing years we may as well pull out an oldie but goldie, the Golden Rule. (See what I did there?)  It is without a doubt a classic concept but, it works.  But no, you might be saying.  People have treated me awfully and they don’t care if I am kind back. They are still awful you may say. Yes. You are correct.  But while it is unpleasant to deal with, there is something good about that scenario. When you treat someone as you wish to be treated you are doing the right thing. Even if you get all manner of negativity in return the problem lies with the other person, not you. Now, when someone is responding to your respect in an unsimilar manner it won’t be easy, but you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have done what is best and their response is not because of your actions but because of their own issues.  This won’t make it a pill that is easy to swallow but you can know that they are the ones, not you, that are truly needing medicine.

So, I am not going to focus on change this New Year. I will look to the things that always stay the same.  I’m not resolving to do things differently. I am going to do my best to do what, if I haven’t been, I should have always been doing.  I certainly haven’t mentioned anything new today. I might not have even mentioned anything you find particularly intriguing. I just was pondering while most were talking about the changes they were making this year I just thought I’d throw out a few tried and true things that should stay just the way they are. No resolutions needed.