Day and Night Embraced 7/24/2022

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

Marriage is a funny thing. I don’t mean funny in the ha-ha way. Well, I suppose sometimes it can definitely be that as well. What has me thinking about this ancient institution is the fact that this coming week my parents will celebrate their forty-ninth year of marriage. Yes, you read that right. And yes, it was amazing to even put into type. To have been married to someone for nearly half a century is quite the fete for any man or woman however, for these two it might be worthy of some sort of award. Now of course, in my biased yet most knowledgeable position, I think they are one of the best pairs to have ever graced the planet. While in my view they are worthy of all of the prizes for just being generically wonderful people, that isn’t exactly the award of which I speak. They are probably two of the most diametric opposites in almost every way yet here they are married for nearly five decades.  That puts things beyond a fete and more like an act of God, and I guess, if you get right down to it, it was.

Mom grew up in northeast Alabama in the Appalachian foothills.  Dad was from southeast Alabama where it is flat as far as the eye can see.  They both did grow up in relatively sizeable families with ample siblings.  They did both come from stock of hard farm and factory work; there was cotton grown, sewing factory and steel mill toil. This did make them quality salt of the earth type people but that is very nearly where the similarities end.  They do both have Faith that is very nearly unshakeable though, and I daresay that is a huge part of the glue that holds them together.  Actually, it probably not only hold them together but also likely makes sure that neither inflicts massive bodily harm on the other. Let’s face it, when you have two peas that are from massively different gardens much less pods, occasionally heads butt and not just in the “mild disagreement” sense of the word but more in the “if I could release wild hogs on you right now I would” sort of way. This seems like another case of me being dramatic, but if you know someone who has the capability to grate upon every last nerve you have then you know the feelings of which I speak.

My mother is a perfectionist to the nth degree. Monday is her house cleaning day. Now, what confuses me is, I do not in fact know what she is cleaning because her house does not get dirty. I suppose maybe just due to mere existence there may be like two or three granules of dust somewhere but even then I find that excessive to call cleaning a house.  When I say you could eat of her floor I mean to the point that her floors probably would up the nutritional content of your food because once it touched the surface it would just be inherently healthier.  I know she’s reading this and I know she is shaking her head but she is in denial and everyone who has been to her house knows it.  She is the type that wants things done the right way and is hugely opposed to procrastination when she can get something done immediately.  I lucked out of many a chore in my childhood because my mother knew I wouldn’t do it to her standard anyway so she just did it herself to avoid the middle man.  She goes above and beyond in all things.  She considers the feelings of others to the point of almost ridiculosity and she would bend over backwards to keep everyone in a state of happiness even if it cost her own.

My father is the epitome of laid back. If he needs to get something done, he will, at some point, get around to it. He will do it, it just could be in the super distant future.  And when he finally does it, he may go at a very, shall we say, gentle pace.  Things being in a less than pristine state doesn’t bother him in the least.  While he is very friendly and definitely cares about others, their opinions and what may or may not be off-putting to them is not even something it occurs to him to consider. His theory is if something doesn’t bother him, it probably wouldn’t bother anyone else.   This sounds callous but it is just how he is wired. It probably looks all the more noticeable when he is married to my mother who might be concerned if she offended someone by the way she parted her hair or by which arm she wore a watch on and I insist that is only about half a percent of exaggeration. In this and so many more matters he is night and she is day hence when they are side by side it is a wonder to behold: a remarkable contrast, but a wonder.

But I’ve seen them laugh together. I was even told about, and how sad I am that I didn’t get to witness this I am thoroughly unable to put into words, an argument they had in their car. Mom was criticizing his slow and inanely cautious driving and Dad was frustrated with her not liking him insisting on going in his own way. Things were said and words were had. It came down to a threat of my father putting my mother out of the car and her having to walk.  I am not sure if the car actually got stopped but it was around this point that they realized how absolutely ludicrous they were being. Immediately, they both burst into laughter that they described to me as something akin to hysterics. Oh, to have witnessed this escalation and the end result would have been glorious.  They know what each other is like and it makes for frustration but it ends with laughter.

They know that they are night and day. But, even as in creation, every day the warm, bright noon and the cool, still midnight build and wane. The two tend to pair seamlessly.  This is like my parents.  They are unbelievably different but are beautiful in their own unique ways. The boy from the flat peanut fields and the girl from the rocky hills seem an unlikely pair but they work.  Though they may not see eye to eye on much, they do both shine an indisputable Light, and they do so, as they have for forty nine years, together.