A Pie, a Cake and a Crack in the Concrete 7/10/2022

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

My child is a genius. Now, I know what you’re thinking.  You’re rolling your eyes and saying to yourself that a mother would of course think something like that.  But what I need from you my dear patient reader, is to hear me out. She responded to a widely used phrase with a quip that was so inherently clever it completely changed how I look at a phrase that, to my knowledge, most speakers of the English language use!  I know it sounds like I am blowing things out of proportion but I assure you I am not.  Let me relay this nugget of wisdom. My daughter was told that something that she was tasked to do was going to be “as easy as pie.” Her immediate and brilliant response was to ask a question. This disconcertingly sharp mind asked, when told of this easy pie, if it would be as easy as eating it or making it? I will pause here and let you ponder.

It is a very valid question. I would go so far as to call it thought provoking.  Why do we say something is as easy as pie?  What does that mean?  Why did a pastry become the standard for lack of difficulty?  And if we were talking about some particularly simply recipe then shouldn’t we say that specifically and say something is as easy as making this particular very uncomplicated pie?  That would make more sense because I have seen some pies let me tell you.  I have seen them begin with a ridiculously convoluted process just to get the crust.  And they hadn’t even begun the insane process of whatever filling. There are even those that have ornate decoration on top that almost make them too good looking to eat. Please note I most assuredly would still eat it (assuming it was a flavor I didn’t abhor).  I just think the actuality that pie can, in fact, be everything but easy makes that saying somewhat odd. And yes it did take the mind of a (rather exceptional) six ear old to make me consider this but, better late than never am I right?

Speaking of sayings that make me squint my eyes and tilt my head to the side, why did we ever come up with the idea to describe a very heavy rainstorm by saying that felines and canines are falling from the sky?  I have heard an explanation about which I have no idea of the validity. I have heard that long ago, possibly the middle ages or somewhere in that neck of history, when people had thatch roofs that animals would get into said thatch as shelter, or perhaps keep warm or some other such thing.  Apparently, as this old and possibly completely made-up adage says, during a particularly heavy downpour that all the creatures that were nestled in the thatch would come raining down.  I suppose I could see this being possibly true however I have a few qualms with the story.  I don’t really feel like this would have been a frequent enough occurrence for the saying to stick for centuries. Also, I feel like if falling from the roofing material animals really was such an issue then let’s be honest.  We shouldn’t have the saying be that it was raining “cats and dogs”.  We should have the saying be that it is raining “rats and fleas”.  No offense to you middle ages but we know how things were.  We did read about the black plague and all so let’s not paint any images of a home full of lovely fuzzy spaniels and tabbies. We know vermin were something of a specialty in those days.  Again, no offense.

Another phrase that I daresay we have all heard that I found downright inexplicable is the saying that we often mutter to ourselves whilst walking down a sidewalk.  You know the one I am referencing.  For some reason we have always heard that if we step on a crack, we will break our mother’s back. Now, I don’t even know what to do with this statement. I mean, what in the world?  If they were large chasms of a crack perhaps you could step on one and break your own back, but how in blue tarnation you could step on a miniscule line in the concrete and proceed to damage your mother’s spine I just cannot fathom.  Where did this come from and more importantly why on earth did it happen?  I am attempting to come up with some scenario when such a phrase makes even the slightest bit of sense and I am coming up empty handed, or brained as the case may be.

There are some phrases that don’t even involve some colorful metaphor. We may even understand the implied meaning but if we really get right down to it, the phrase used to convey said meaning does not make one bit of sense. Here we find one of my absolute pet peeves of a saying.  When someone wants the best of both worlds when in fact a choice is required, we tell them that they cannot have their cake and eat it too.  This makes me madder than a wet hen.  Yes, that’s a phrase and while I am not certain, I assume a wet hen is rather displeased with being so, but I digress.  Someone, anyone needs to tell me, what, pray tell, good is cake if you can’t eat it?  Sure, there are some astoundingly gorgeous cakes, I do not deny it. But if I cannot eat it, which by its very definition is the reason for the existence of cake, I just cannot even compute.  This one rubs me so raw because I am a staunch cake lover and the mere thought of having a cake and not being able to eat it pains me to my core. Does that sound overly dramatic?  Well, if you say yes, I say you don’t understand how much I love cake.

I don’t suppose any of these sayings should really surprise me.  The English language is a fickle beast that very often puts no effort whatsoever into being rational in how it functions so I shouldn’t be shocked by some of its turns of phrase being as ludicrous as the language itself.  I love working with it, but it is still silly at best and idiotic at worst.  I must say, these words do paint a picture alright.  Even though sometimes the images that they create only serve to furrow the brow.  A picturesque description for an extra forehead wrinkle or two is a small price to pay, I think.