Not Quite 3/6/2022

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

I think sometimes the almost is better than the real.  Yes, I grasp that was probably a very ambiguous statement with no really clear path of where it is going but I promise I do have a plan in mind.  I say that now and briefly panic that my plan can only exist in my mind and whenever I try to give it any coherence in type it may turn out to be little more than the equivalent of mental flatulence.  Oh wow, I’ve used that term in the first paragraph of this blog. We are off to quite a start.  Surely things can only go up from here.

Now I have to see if I can explain what I mean.  Do you have a memory so intense and so glorious that it will forever be etched in the facets of your brain?  It could be the taste of a beloved recipe that a favorite family member made from long ago. Now in such cases of course you would have examples of where said family member no longer among us and hence any attempt at reproduction will be lackluster at best.  But what I mean is something you maybe remembered eating that was just absolutely exemplary and yet when you had it again, it just didn’t live up to all the expectation and hope that you had in your mind. You know it is the same recipe made by the same hands, yet it just isn’t the same.  We aren’t really sure what exactly it was that made the difference from the memory which was full of lights and fanfare that left the reality looking a bit dim.    

Our brains are just funny like that I suppose. We often ride the roller coaster of memory advancing up to the top of a large hill fully expecting a giant steep descent on the other side only to find it is a small hump and a slight curve.  Maybe it’s a recollection of something you did back in your younger years that was the absolute epitome of fun. It doesn’t have to be something from the ancient past either. There is always the risk of outgrowing the enjoyment of some distant pastime but when we are talking of some small joy that you had not so long ago that when you return to it the pleasure just isn’t what you remembered, that is quite the challenging thing. You question if you remembered wrong.  You question the quality of the original experience as well as the new one.  It seems to happen to me a lot lately. I am not sure if that is because I am advancing in years and hence have more opportunities for disappointment or if the phenomenon really is becoming more frequent.

The memory isn’t the only place that this trickery takes place.  It isn’t only in looking back that we find distortion but also looking ahead. I am hoping it isn’t just me. Has anyone else found that sometimes the anticipation of something almost makes the something anticlimactic? I happen to have this struggle every year with Christmas.  I adore the holiday so and build for it so profoundly that when it actually arrives it has no possible way of living up to the hype that I have made for it.  In true fat kid form I use this comparison. It is sometimes, and I very specifically said sometimes, like the second before that first bite of your favorite food could, quite possibly be better than the food itself.  Sometimes the excitement of planning something truly wonderful can be so enjoyable that the event becomes something of an afterglow; still pleasant but not quite to the magnitude of what caused it. I guess this one we do to ourselves when we overbuild but, shouldn’t we?  I mean if it is a truly meaningful moment that we are progressing toward, shouldn’t we be excited and allow that to grow?  Seems to me that is the appropriate course to take if you truly care so the fact that this let down could be a direct result of doing so just seems unfair to me.  I can’t be the only person who has this opinion either.  Well, unless I am the only person to whom this happens.  In that case, I’ll move on.

I have moaned a fair amount about when the almost is better than reality.  I would say that most times this isn’t the case.  Most times our memories are safe places with accurate joys that we can go back and relive on very fortunate occasions.  And usually, good old fashioned anticipation is a treasure map with an appropriately full chest of gold and jewels at the end. But then there are those fantastic exceptions to the rule that aren’t like all the ones I have rambled about here.  There are those times when we revisit some long ago something or arrive at some long-awaited goal and our eyes widen and we suck in our breath.  We are an overwhelmed mixture of shock and glee because at that moment, the only appropriate statement is; “This is even better than I remember!”