Notes from the Depths 8/29/2021

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

If you have read many of my blogs you know that I love the mountains.  If I have to be honest I do also love the rolling plains of the valleys as well.  This week however has been more of the figurative hills and valleys and those valleys have been overwhelmingly deep.  And by that I mean they have been very trying upon the soul. I don’t expect today’s blog to have much by way of length.  It may not even have that much by way of substance, I can’t truly say. I do want to share just a few things that this journey through the more shadowy places has impressed upon me.  I am certain the lessons are only beginning and since the valley is still the place set before me and I am not to any form of mountaintop as of yet, hopefully my learning will continue.

First off, I may have said this before in a blog, I am pretty sure I have and forgive me for repetition but, you don’t grow on the mountaintops. On the highest of peaks, while the view is magnificent and you can see from whence you came there aren’t lush forests. Things don’t grow on snowcapped stone spires.  It is when we are traveling though those valleys that seem lost between towering heights that we see those lush meadows and thick forests.  It is in our depths when it seems there is nothing before, behind or indeed all around us other than challenging moment after challenging moment that is when we really learn and develop. It is then that we discover what is important and what it is that the low place is meant to teach us. Sometimes we have to travel these bottoms to learn what we most assuredly couldn’t upon the heights and unfortunately sometimes our stay is not going to be brief. I say that knowing that I desperately want out of this valley.  I am at that point where I think I sense a bit of an incline only to discover new drop offs around the next bend.  I am not going to pretend that this is not hard. And I do not say this for pity because my trials are tawdry compared to what some face but for me and mine, they are impactful and sizeable. I want so badly to learn whatever my lesson is so I can move out of this season but until I fully grasp it I suppose here I shall be. My mother always said, “If you don’t pass the test the first time you have to retake it.” That is painfully true right now so I am praying that these difficulties are building in me wisdom. If nothing else I am learning how to keep the Faith when it sometimes seems that even Faith won’t accomplish much.  I cannot say I am doing this very elegantly or without tears and fretting but I am trying my best and hopefully I am growing whilst I do so.

I guess the last thing that I can really speak to is to those who may be sharing in my journey. I suppose we all have had highs and lows in our lives and the extremity of both can vary wildly. If you are currently in a valley I say this: Hold on. Keep going. Have faith.  The Biblical verse talking about “weeping enduring for the night but joy coming in the morning” is true.  Remember it does not say which morning. Scripture does not tell us how many nights that weeping may endure. I say this knowing I need to see the dawn breaking something fierce right now. I want a sunrise that glows golden beams on the path out of this valley. I want to rise to the tops of hills and see all of everything stretched before me in all of its splendor. But right now, I walk through the valley.  The sun is filtered so it is not bright here but I must remember, as we all must, to look at those leaves. They don’t thrive on the heights.  Those bare rock faces do not have this green because they cannot grow it.  It is down here where the seeds burst open, and though it may be painful here is where they flourish.

I just had a phone call. I may be able to see the first tiny glow of dawn up ahead. I am by no means there yet but the ground just might be shifting up beneath my feet. I have to hold on though and not overlook any lesson that may fall before me on the climb. And if and when I reach the mountaintop, may God help me to be sure that I look back down to the valley from whence I just came and hold tight to the new things I have taken in for there are other peeks in the distance. The ground will by no means be level in getting there.  May my grip on the hard wisdom from the valleys be as strong as my longing for the beauty of the summits.