By: Jennifer Richardson Holt
On many occasions, I sit down to write without the slightest notion of a topic. Today is not one of those days. Don’t get too excited on my behalf, though—my mind currently resembles a giant bulletin board with far too many sticky notes scattered across it. As I sift through all these brightly colored, scribbled squares, I search for something that connects them all, or at least a few, into a meaningful—preferably coherent—reflection.
However, each time I think I’ve found some proverbial dots to connect, I realize the picture looks less like anything recognizable and more like the result of handing a pen to someone wearing a blindfold. There may be familiar shapes (depending on the artistic ability of said blindfolded individual), but for the most part it’s all squinting and turning your head to the side, hoping something jumps out. I am squinting, and my head is now tilted so far to one side it made a rather disconcerting popping noise. Wait… wait a minute. By George, I think I see something!
A few of my notes, though scattered everywhere, do seem to share a connecting thread. The more I consider it, the more I think I can stitch a little something together. So today, if you’ll humor me, I’d like to take a look at a few common misconceptions that run rampant in our society. Perhaps just one or two to start with—this could very well become a series. These are ideas that spread around more frequently than butter on toast. And to begin, I suppose I’ll choose one that may ruffle a feather or two, though if you hear me out, I trust you’ll be able to preen that old plumage back into place.
There is, floating about, the utterly ridiculous idea that to love someone you must not only accept them but embrace everything about them. On the surface that sounds very loving and generous. And perhaps it is—until you give it some thought and review the people you actually love. Do you have a significant other? Or, to cast the net as wide as possible, do you at least have a family member? Excellent. Now, do you love them? I assume so. Now allow one final question to marinate: have any of these beloved people ever done something you disliked, or even detested?
Ponder that for a bit. And as you do, observe whether you still—wonder of wonders—loved the person despite loathing their actions.
Amazing, isn’t it? You can actually love someone without believing everything they do is better than sliced bread. Parents, remember when that child got in trouble for something very bad and you hated the behavior, yet still loved the child? The two feelings coexisted. And spouses, recall that argument where your beloved said something painfully hurtful. Ironically, it was the fact that you loved them that made the wound sting.
Yet these days people insist that if they are doing, saying, or promoting something you blatantly oppose, and you fail to hug them and declare their every move wonderful, then you must hate them. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Disagreeing with you is not oppressing you. If that’s how things work, then I suppose I don’t love anyone—not even myself—because Heaven knows I do things I wish I didn’t all the time. I am, however, quite convinced that I can find someone to be egregiously wrong without hating them. And I suspect any of you who have ever loved anything—even a pet—know that not encouraging their every move isn’t negating love but demonstrating it.
If my daughter took up bank robbery, I would loathe her actions and do everything I could to make her stop. As long as she wasn’t touching my account, her actions wouldn’t directly affect me—but because I believe (as does the law of the land) that robbing banks is wrong, I would not simply accept her behavior. If we applied popular logic, that would make me a hater or a robber-ophobe or whatever term fits the bill.
Sounds silly, doesn’t it? Yet here we are with droves of people employing such thoughts. Imagine a group demonstrating in my small town insisting that eating asparagus is such a delight that everyone should consume it in place of dessert. I vehemently oppose this view. I refuse to demonstrate with them because I could not embrace their ideology any less than if it were a porcupine covered in asbestos. If I tell them they cannot persuade me to fly their green-stalked banner in my yard because I disagree, that does not equal hatred. And while this analogy seems ridiculous, that doesn’t make it any less accurate.
And as I type this, I realize that while I am clearly on a soapbox (one none of you asked for—my apologies), I must look inward too. I know there are people who disagree with me, and I must remember to act with love regardless. I will stand for my beliefs firmly and refuse to compromise them for the comfort of others, but if I do so with love, perhaps it will shine a light that changes minds and softens hearts. And softened hearts—much like desserts—are truly a treasure.
Prose and Possibilities 