Apologies in Advance 10/22/2023

By: Jennifer Richardson Holt

I am genuinely at a loss today. I haven’t the foggiest idea of what to write about.  I have done this in the past and just began writing and hoped for the best. When I do this, I usually stumble upon some topic.  I am trying it right now, but I must admit that the struggle is very real today.  I am so, SO easily distracted. This is absolutely ridiculous.  If I could tell you things that have raced through my mind in only the last minute, you’d be aghast. I don’t think my brain is normal.  And yes, I do understand normal is probably a subjective description, especially when it comes to the mind, but still.  I have resorted to wandering through internet videos in hopes a spark of inspiration will catch me. This works on occasion but today it has just added more avenues for my thoughts to travel. I have run the gamut from fashion, social issues, to making cookies, to making sculptures with gold wire, to stuffing couch cushions with cattail floof. And you doubted the variety. From the time I just finished the previous two sentences my mind has also pondered Christmas. And cookies. And romance. And childbirth. And football. And allegorical literature. And maybe cookies again.

Do you see what I am dealing with there?  I feel like there may be some sort of name for my issue, but I am not sure what it is. A coworker knows that my mind works this way and he always asks if I have had any squirrels. This is a reference to a dog casually walking along then taking off because he sees a squirrel.  He knows my brain does this and he tries to keep me on task.  I am notorious for typing up an in-depth email (in case you were unaware, writing is my communication method of choice) and forgetting to actually send said email. Sometimes a draft will sit for days and while I am getting my knickers in a twist about not having had a reply to my obviously important email, my coworker will ask if I did indeed send it. I would love to say that is a ridiculous thing for him to ask but again, he knows me and since I know me too, I go and look and often, sure enough, there it sits.  The complete email is minimized at the bottom of the window having gone nowhere.  If I am lucky, it is still relevant. Sadly, it is not always.  I appreciate him asking though because he knows if he doesn’t…well…squirrels.

Oh man. It is bad today.  I know what you are thinking right now.  You are rifling through this discombobulation of a blog and thinking how happy you are that this content is free because it is questionable at best and well, we won’t discuss what it is at worst. I am actually tired right now because my train of thought is on a long trip without my consent.  Which, in considering it, how exactly is my mind which I assume controls this type of thing, supposed to be able to control things when it is the mind that is out of control?  This seems like a bit of a conundrum. But yes, you are very right in being relieved that my content is free.  I am thinking it may be a matter of getting what you pay for at the moment.

So here we sit. I have given you three paragraphs telling of the adventures of my lack of focus.  The only solace that I can give myself is the fact that I feel like, and perhaps I am grasping at straws, but I feel like I am not the only person out there that has enough streams of consciousness to supply the Mississippi basin.  In this world of professional multitaskers, I cannot help but think that there are others out there that have so much going on with being an employee, a spouse, a parent, a child, a sibling and hoping that possibly they could maybe, if they work at it, fit in just some tiny snippet of individuality.  Somehow, I think that with people living busy lives, and thinking about all the possibilities for thought processes amongst those lives, I am thinking that surely there are many people out there with trains of thoughts that have far too many tracks, far too many stations and the connecters between said tracks could be ever so slightly wonky. 

Then again, I suppose I could be a special case.  But I do feel somewhat safe in guessing that there could be many that may be reading this very blog and thinking how nice it is to know that their mind isn’t the only one that zips about like a rabid butterfly on amphetamines (legal ones of course, he isn’t a lawbreaker).  I hope this is the case.  I also hope that you return to read whatever my next blog turns out to be despite the fact that this one was, well I don’t even have an appropriate or kind adjective for it.  I promise to try to give you some substance next time and not just force you into my mind.  I didn’t mean for this to become a hostage situation my dear reader, however sometimes with this brain I feel like I’m in one myself. But I have another week ahead.  The goal this week is to work on my focus.  I know it’s a hectic time of year so there will be a lot going on but, I will buckle down and focus.  If nothing else, at least on my blog next week. I certainly owe all of you that.  But today I raise my coffee to those of you out there (and I hope you’re out there) that are chasing rabbits and stuck on track jumping trains.  Here is to our brains becoming sharpened with steely focus, or at least not over-caffeinated preschoolers.  Cheers!